Many of you who have actually followed my post many are very interested to hear that I have had quite a horrible case of writers block. It happens to a lot of us who try to entertain the masses with our “wise words” and “great advice”. So I have been holding on to this idea for a few days and have finally made myself the time to sit and write to you all. I am very much hoping I can manage to get myself back in gear and give you all some more fascinating stories about my life with the awesome moral lessons that often come after I screw things up to the last T.
So yes as always the title of this post is to draw you in thinking it might be one thing but it’s really kind of about another... HAHA I am a genius! But if you read my blog you already know that!! Not to toot my own horn **distant toot toot sound echoes**. So the title of this post is Routine maintenance which many of you may think will be about how you often need to work on your relationship when what I will actually be writing about today is the maintenance of the actually routines we let ourselves fall into while in a long term relationship. On to the life story!!
So over the last few months Dave and I have found ourselves lost in the routines of our lives and have seemed to leave our own relationship fall to the wayside. Which many of you know can result in neglect and anger and often worse problems if the situation is not addressed. And Ms. Cricket was of course the first and not only person to see this before I did and warn me of the consequences of the pattern I was falling into. Day by day more and more things began to slip past us till we were becoming more roommates than married. And of course we both busy with work and home we didn’t see what was happening till someone began to point it out to us. This was followed by a day of reflection for me and a day of awakening for Dave who found that not only at home was he becoming a shadow of his former self but also at work. So when he came home it was no surprise that he found himself lacking here as well. Many of the people I know who are in steady relationships have found themselves floating along through the days not noticing the little things they are missing. Time and time again I have found myself as an anchor to them to hold them steady and point of what’s happening. This time I needed an anchor myself and am lucky enough that those I am there for tend to see through the smoke screen and pull me back to earth.
And boy oh boy did I crash land this time. 2 or three hours into our conversation that night after dusting myself off I realized that I was blaming Dave when I was as much as fault as he was. I had kept myself from having a voice for so long that when I finally had found it, Dave only seemed to hear it as a whisper when I felt like I was yelling through a megaphone. As much as he was at fault for not listening I had made it ok for him not to. As you can imagine this causes many screaming matches, nights going to bed angry and waking feeling the same way. What we had done was separate our lives so much we forgot why we had fallen in love in the first place. I fell in love with a man who could admit his mistakes once brought to his attention and made it so I could never fight with him about anything not that I didn’t try(and try and try). And he had fallen in love with a crazy outspoken female who made sure her feeling were heard, understood, and sometime feared for the honestly of it all. We had lost these people to our daily acceptance of change and life without seeing how much harder we had made things.
Talking for a few hours, and going out to dinner to talk some more we began to see how easy it was to take an hour of every day and get to know each other again. We also realized those people were still in there, just older, wiser, more understanding, and much less foolish. Talking everyday now, while I make dinner, about work and house and kids and friends I feel (and he better too) that things seem to fall more into place. It’s easier for me to make sure the house is clean and its easier for him to have a clear head at work. Just 7 hours (minimum of course) a week and OMG! We have started to listen to each other again. Not just during those times but when I huff about the trash being full, he takes it out. Or he says “I’m really tired” and I put down the computer and phone and turn off the T.V. and go to bed knowing we both need the sleep (considering he called a dragon lady in the mornings). And to my surprise I breath a lot less fire these days.
Here it is folks, the moral. If you hadn’t guessed! This is one is kind of 2 parted. First part is something we all hear and quote and tend to not take to heart ourselves. Be yourself. If someone knows all your crazy habits and quirks and loves you for them anyway count yourself lucky and try not to change (unless you are a serial killer then by all means change and do it fast!!!). Part 2 is a little harder but just as rewarding. If you can spout off everything you have done in a week and not once mention your spouse or what’s going on in their lives, call the sitter fill the gas tank and get yourselves out of the house and just start talking about new shoes or old friends, daily ins and outs of work and home. Just talk until your mouth is so sore it’s likely to fall right off your face. Change up the routine and make sure you do it often. Life is a marathon and having someone to run it with makes it a whole lot more fun.
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